These Things I'll Never Say
by Silent Cure
Summary: Remus looks into Severus' past and finds something he had forgotten. While Severus denies ever feeling for the werewolf, Remus begins to wonder what might have happened, while he struggles to keep the memory secret from James and Sirius. M, SSRL NC17


**These Things I'll Never Say**

**Pairings: ** Severus S. x Remus L. , a little bit of James P. and Sirius B. / Severus S. and Lusious M.

**Rating: **M for laungage, sexual situations and Slash (Male on Male)

**Disclaimer: ** I Do not own these characters. I Wish i did but i don't.

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**Chapter I**

_Dipped Into Your Past_

It was their 6th year. School began only a week ago and already the drag of homework and tests had fallen upon the shoulder's of the students. Sirius and James were stirring up trouble with the teachers and Remus seemed to be trying to control each of them in turn. Lusious was as coy and scheming as ever and Severus, Severus was trying to survive the new year.

It was a friday when most of the 6th years were crowded into the Defence Against the Dark Arts room, their teacher walking back and forth infront of them. There had been several scares that You Know Who had returned, scares that is, Severus was rather annoyed by hearing about it in whispers in the hallway wanting to tell them all there was nothing to be worried about. But as such they were to learn protective spells against the stronger of the dark arts. This was the first class and their teacher already wanted to show them the art of Mind Control. 'How fun...' Severus thought dully in the back of the room, standing next to the fair haired Malfoy who's figure and beauty seemed to mock his own. He was skinny and his hair had a greasy look to it and his eyes were black, standing next to Lusious, with his long wheat colored hair, beautiful grey eyes and tall figure, Snape felt like a shadow. He was stuck in this frame of mind when he suddenly heard his name penetrate his web of thought and he looked up bluntly for who had spoken his name.

"Severus, get up here boy." Called there teacher, sounding annoyed like he'd been calling for him over and over. Nervously Severus left the loom of Lusious and stepped through the opening he had been given to the front of the room, tripping over a foot James had stuck out, managing o catch himself and looked back at the boy, his expression unreadable. The teacher turned to him for the slightest moment and whispered in his ear. "Do you mind being a demonstration for the class?" He blinked and shook his head. "No." The teacher nodded and stood up. Now Sev thought it was the teacher who'd be looking into his mind and stared blankly when he called up... He felt ready to faint, to have an out burst of rage. Remus!? The sandy blond boy looked up just as bluntly at the teacher, then to James and Sirius who had begun to whisper to him hurriedly, Snape knew they were probably telling the blond to look for something good in his memory so they could reveal it to his peers later on as torment. The blond then nervously walked up the opening, looking at Snape with those eyes one could have called innocent. Snape stole a look at Lusious who was just smiling in that what of him in the back of the room and Severus felt more nervous, looking back at Remus. The teacher went on to explain the spell and how to overcome it, Snape only listened to that part, but his eyes never left the werewolf. Then the teacher turned to them and asked Remus to cast the spell. Snape nervously waited as Remus cast the spell.

The blond saw himself literally looking at flickering memories, most of which seemed to be of his friends tormenting the boy then he saw something and focused on it... it was a memory that made him refuse to release Severus, he wanted to see this... he didn't know why but he did. It was last year, during the Tri Wizard Tournament Ball. He remember that night. He was sitting later that night in the dinning hall, Sirius and James were going together and Remus was waiting on his date... They had waited hours and nothing. Remus then found out from another Griffindor that his date had taken someone else without informing him. Remus had been so sad, but he told Sirius and James to go to the ball, they had been looking forward to this and Remus, being a kind person, didn't want them to miss it for him. But now he saw what he hadn't, Severus was sitting at the Sytherin table and was watching them, listening. He had a pitied look on his face. Where had that come from? Then Lusious, that sick boy leaned over and spoke to Severus. "You should take Remus to the dance... this might be our chance." he said in a sly tone. That made Remus feel even more confused... take him to the dance? Severus looked nervously at Lusious. "I can't..." "Why not?" Severus seemed more nervous by the second. "I guess..." He said and Lusious gave him a big pat on the back. Severus got up and headed out of the room, luck James and Sirius were to busy looking over Remus to notice him. He reember, they had spoken for hours. And then he saw Severus come back, in some nice dress robes, carrying a red rose and looking nervous, he was in the hall when Sirius and Black and Remus left the dinner hall laughing... Remus had been invited by his friends to the dance, they had decided to go all together... But now he saw the effect of that... Severus watched them go, he looked so sad, so hurt... then he turned and walked back down the hall, dropping the rose he had brought onto the floor.

Remus left Severus' memory. Everyone in the room was silent as the teacher had been yelling at Remus that that was enough, because Severus looked like he'd been shown a dead body. He stepped forward, advancing on Remus till there faces nearly touched. "That was private." he hissed under his voice then turned and left the class, leaving the teacher looking bewildered along with a very confused, very frightful Remus. That night Severus went back to his room and spent the night with a knife and water and when Lusious found him, cut and bleeding he comforted the boy, but not in the way a mother comforts her child... no in his own sick way he comforted Sev, but not before prodding him over what Remus had seen. It was a long night... And Remus stayed confused well into it, thinking over what he'd seen, what exactly happened that night? What would have happened?

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That's chapter one :) Sorry it's short it's more like a intro but please keep reading. No flames please but I'm open for comments !


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